Lies I tell my kids

I love my kids. They are my sun, moon and stars. I love them more than the whole wide world and back again. But, I lie to them. Pretty much all the time. Maybe its the nice weather and we are out all the time, or maybe it’s just that the are getting older and asking more questions. But, I’m fessing up that I’m a liar and they don’t know it yet.  It’s hilarious to hear my kids repeat the BS that I’ve told them to one another. I realize that they may have issues later and will probably need therapy, but who doesn’t.

 My So-Called Mommy Life

Here are some recent lies I have told:

  1. “If you share hats, you are going to get lice”
  2. “If you don’t wear sunscreen you will get very sick”
  3. “If you don’t brush your teeth they will rot. And you know what? The tooth fairy won’t come to visit because she doesn’t like rotten teeth”
  4. “If you don’t wipe front to back, you will get a very bad infection, be in the hospital and have to take lots of medicine”
  5. “So sorry, that toy (under $5) is SOOOOOOO expensive. Mommy doesn’t have enough money to buy it”
  6. “Ooops. I seem to have forgotten my money at home. Nope, those cards don’t work today”
  7. “I have eyes everywhere. I see everything. So even if my back is turned towards you, I can see exactly what you are doing.ALL.THE.TIME”
  8. “I can call your teacher at any time to report on your bad behaviour”
  9. “Do know the police will come and arrest if you scream when you aren’t hurt?”
  10. “Hashem (G-d) put you and your brother in my tummy”
  11. “Your nose is growing! See, that’s how I knew you were lying”
  12. “If you don’t hold my hand in the parking lot, you will get hit end up at the hopsital and not be able to play with your freinds.”
  13. “If you watch too many shows on Netflix your brain turns into mush.”
  14. “When you drain the water from the bathtub, it goes down the drain to the Ninja Turtles.”
  15. “Belly Dancing Lessons? Nope. Can’t take those until you are at least 18 years old. Sorry no classes like that for little kids.”
  16. “If you open the door without an adult, you will get lost. And how will I ever find you?”
  17. “Oh, sorry. YouTube doesn’t work in the car”
  18. “See how dark it is outside? Mommy was extra nice tonight and let you stay up sooooooooooooooooooooo late” (This one only works in the winter to my kids who can’t tell time yet!)

So, dish it moms and dads. What lies do you tell to your kids?




  1. mom2michael says:

    I have Santa on speed dial.
    I not only have eyes in the back of my head, but on the sides too. They are invisible. (He firmly believed in my invisible eyes for years.)
    That store/park/playplace is closed today. No, really!

    I love your #14 by the way 🙂

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