To her I’m stunning

It was the perfect morning for so many reasons. Yesterday morning my kids and I  went to a local outdoor space that has trails to walk on, a Sunday morning market, a nature area for them to play in where they can water the plants and learn about what lives around us. When we arrived we made our way through the farmers market picking up some of our favourite summer fruits before they are just a distant fresh memory. I got my coffee, my kids got their smoothies, we shared a croissant. Everything was perfect. Picture perfect really.

 My So-Called Mommy Life

We decided to head up on a trail. We were taking our time as it happens when you have a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old who is suddenly Mr. Independent, who both want to walk on their own. But we weren’t in a rush really. I spotted a bench and we went and sat down. We were talking and enjoying the moment. So obviously I pulled out my phone to take a picture and capture the moment. I got a few pictures of Little Dude sitting on the bench alone drinking his green smoothie. Then the two kids as together as they would be for this particular picture. Then Princess Peach asked for the three of us to do a selfie, so obviously I obliged. Side note: When you three-year old asks to take a selfie, you do it! I melted  a little inside. Love her. Then she asked to take a picture of me a Little Dude herself. So I handed over the phone. She snapped away. In between her fast flicking fingers she looked down and commented “stunning”.  I didn’t think about her comment nor did I look at the pictures she took until later in the day. We were too busy spending time together.

When I got home and everyone in my household was napping, I scrolled through the pictures that we took in the morning. I scrolled through mine and loved each of them. Then I stopped until the pictures that Princess Peach took of me. Did she really call me “stunning” when we took those pictures? How could she say that?  All that popped back into my mind is when I look at the picture of Little Dude and I stunning is far from it. Sure, I love that Princess Peach is a budding photographer and loves taking pictures but stunning would never be the word chosen to describe this picture:

picbypp

The picture staring back at me on my iPhone screen is overweight, and way to round for my liking. I have too many chins and rolls to count. I’m also wearing clothes that I probably shouldn’t be wearing out past the four walls of my house.

I see myself as a person who was once “with” it and knew about style, and what was “in” fashion. I hate to say this but I feel like I have been living under a rock and that I’m finally emerging. This is the first time in almost 4 years that I am not pregnant nor do I have a baby.  I can’t use the excuse that my kid will spit up on me or my belly is growing too big for my clothes to expand. When I look at my body I don’t see stunning but to my kids, they know no different. We don’t discuss body image in our house and I always shield my displeasure of my body and image from my children. Many days it’s hard but most days I just forgo looking into a mirror as I don’t like seeing what’s looking back at me.

My kids view of “me” is very different from how I see myself. They don’t see me as every being frumpy or not put together. They don’t care if my tights are rubbing together or my ass has gotten too big. Princess Peach will often comment how I look “fabulous” even in my dirty sweatpants. My kids don’t care that my tummy is soft and jiggly. They actually embrace it, hug it and Little Dude will often kiss it. My kids don’t see that my boobs are hanging a little lower than I’d like and that after kids I would love to have a boob lift.

In their eyes, I’m their mom. I’m the one that feeds them, clothes them, bathes them, plays with them, is silly with them, reprimands them, takes them on wild and crazy adventures. I’m the one who will be their biggest cheer leader, smile when they smile, wipe away their tears when they cry and will always have an ear to listen.

So on the worst of days when I see an unflattering picture of myself or feel anything less than beautiful. I have to remember how my kids see me. In their eyes, I’m just perfect the way I am.

Comments

  1. You are stunning and thank you for sharing this with us. It is a good reminder for many moms and dads: no matter how we feel toward our image, we are stunning and perfect in our kids eyes. And if feels so good

  2. I love you and I love this post. Having met you in person (seems like ages ago at that first PGmoms Event), you are a beautiful person inside and out. It’s true, to our kids, we are the most amazing people in their eyes. We are often our worst critics. I have those days too, and then my Little One would out of the blue tell me, “Mama, do you know that you are beautiful every day?” Melts my heart.

  3. We all see a distorted imagine when it comes to the mirror. It’s always nice to receive compliments, to remind us not to be so hard on ourselves. They do say that children say the truth … you are absolutely beautiful. A real stunner :)

  4. My little one is often mimicking me. Wants to dress like me and wear her hair like mine. This is so true <3

  5. Carly says:

    That is so sweet. Where did you go with them, sounds like the perfect fall outing

  6. Jodi Shaw says:

    I love this post it made me cry. Body image and kids is so important how they view themselves and us. My boys are raised in a society despite what I teach them that beauty does not come within. That’s why growing up they used words like fat, rolly polly, hefer and chubby. I had to teach them that wasn’t okay, even if I got it. I mean that’s how I view myself. Still it was important to me they didn’t discriminate against anyone. That’s why I love your post, seeing your kids love you for who you are is one of the most incredible mommy moments.

  7. momma0 says:

    That was so beautiful and vulnerable! Thank you for sharing and thank you to your precious little ones who pointed it out to you! Much Love!

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