Stolen Moments

Playing a guitar duet with Little Dude. A funny conversation during breakfast. A nudge to get out the door. An impromptu dance party. Whispering sweet nothings in Princess Peach’s ear after she’s long asleep.

Those moments.

Are stolen away from me.

Stolen because I’m currently not able to be the mother that I once was.

Cancer has stolen so many memories and moments away from me during these past few months with my kids.

Those moments that catch your breath. Steel your heart. Make you smile.

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The days following chemo I cannot parent. I’m missing days in my kids lives- experiences, stories, hugs, kisses, cuddles and everything in between. But it’s those little moments that are the ones I miss the most.
When Princess Peach asks to do an elbow kiss, followed by a forehead kiss, followed by a thumb kiss, and and eye kiss. Those times when Little Dude strings two words together and says “Sit mama” for me to sit beside him while he eats dinner. When both kids jump into my lap to read a story to them. When we go to farmers markets. When we bake together. When we are just together and it feels oh, so right.

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These special moments are stolen away from us because I’m tired and exhausted. Because I don’t have the energy nor the endurance that I had just a few months ago. I’m still very much as “healthy” as I can be considering I have cancer, but all this poison being pumped into my body takes it toll. I try to do my best but cannot be there to do everything that I use to do.

There is no fear of missing out when you have cancer. There is just missing out.

That’s why when I feel good, we celebrate. We eat ice cream, have treats, and I spoil my kids with gifts because I want to make every moment extra special. I don’t want them to remember when I wasn’t around and not being able to be there for them.

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I don’t want any more moments stolen away from me and my kids.

Comments

  1. Tracey says:

    I’m inspired by how you you push through the moments you feel physically strong enough to celebrate with your kids. You’re an exceptional mother and they know that, today and always.

  2. What a heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing! Now excuse me while I wipe off my tears and go hug my kids.

  3. Nadia says:

    You are such a wonderful mother and although there may be moments stolen away, what you instill in your children will be forever with them & you: strength, unconditional love, & faith.

  4. Considering how much you are there for your friend (me!) that lives at the other side of the world, I am pretty sure that your kids don’t have the feeling that you are not there for them. You might be off some days at the moment but they won’t remember that, they will remember what an amazing mom (and person) you are, and how hard you fought to be with them once the #fuckcancer period is over.

  5. Mama says:

    *hugs* Such a lovely post. Tears in my eyes. I’m here, listening xxx

  6. Natalie says:

    Sending you hugs and love!

  7. Courtney says:

    What an amazing and strong mama you are, an inspiration!

  8. chancesmommy says:

    Sending you lots of love and light. THANK YOU for writing these heartfelt posts. They’re so REAL. You are an amazing person and such an inspiration. I’m glad I can call you my friend. On and offline. xoxox

  9. MultiTestingMom says:

    You truly are an inspiration! Sending you hugs and love and strength.

  10. This is a beautiful post. You are an amazing mom and such a strong person! You and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. Heart wrenching and inspiring at the same time! My prayers are with you and your family…..

  12. You are amazing, and when your kids look back on their childhood they will remember the strong fighter that their mother is and forever be in awe of you. Sending love and prayers your way.

  13. So sorry that cancer has stolen time away from you and your family. I hope that this is just a short chapter in your life and all future ones are filled with tons of happy memories.

    Besos, Sarah

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